This is the first part of my testimony called The Naked Yoga. This is really the naked truth about yoga and what I discovered the hard way. It relates roughly my story on how I got the kundalini syndrome after years of doing yoga and how I become born again. This is only the beginning, I am not finished writing yet, the remaining parts will be published eventually. I say roughly because I’m also working on some novels detailing in depths, this can be a teaser if you want. For the French peep reading me, I planned on doing the translation (Le yoga à nu) and I’m also working on a blog only dedicated to sharing the downsides of yoga with a lot of info to be shared….I’m working also with the author of the book: The Heart of Yoga Revealed, Judy White, to share a short of my testimony on her website..
The Naked Yoga, part I
by Karro (Take 2..)
What I’m about to share with you is very hardcore stuff. It is also very personal to me and I am aware by doing this that I am exposing myself to ridicule, mockery, angst, frustration, judgement, etc, etc.. But I love you beyond these reactions and I can understand because I was one of you at some point in my life. This is about yoga and the damages it has done to me.
I would say around 2005 I became a yoga practitioner. I instantly fell in love with the workout for it joined two of my favourite things: light workout and Spirituality. I became fairly good fast and motivated. I tried all sorts of yoga, even better sex through yoga (yep even). My favourites was Moksha yoga (hot yoga) until I discover kundalini yoga in early 2008. I loved it so much that I would wake up at 5 am every morning to do my 1 hour session. I loved it because it was a lot more energetic than the other yogas but also the results of it were instant. After each session I would feel exhilarious, a buzz, somewhat close to being high on drugs minus the side effects and the morning after. Well this is what I thought at the time…before I started to live hell on earth.
Kundalini awakening can be sneaky, because you can’t really tell once it’s there for it can be confused with different sort of things. Especially when you feel extremely well, what’s wrong with that? If you feel a bit of a high after some yoga session then you should already get a hint. Do you feel any tingling in your left leg? Do you get some skin rashes? Head pressure even on a very mild level? You can go on for a while before suspecting anything or it can take you months or even years of disaster before uncovering the truth.
Kundalini amplifies everything, good or bad. The more it flows, the more you feel: your body sensations, emotions, kundalini can be unleashed at anytime, after a simple yoga session, I even read somewhere some people had it after childbirth, a traumatic event or even by the contact of a kundalini charged person. In my case it was after some dire heartbreak (or maybe 2) mixed with a traumatic event.
Now you must be asking yourself: what is she talking about? What is kundalini anyway? A lot people in the West have no clue about it, most easterners freak out when they hear what we have done to their sacred practises. Kundalini is the aim for any devotee, through the power of kundalini awakening they will reach enlightment and connect to their divine part. I am not going to give any definition of it because I am not a liar and anything you hear/read about kundalini is b.s. to be polite. The truth is that you are exposing yourself to dangerous forces beyond your understanding and the price I paid (and still pay) to discover it is very high.
As I said previously, I was living perfectly fine and well for more than a few months. Doing my yoga, taking the metro, going to work, have an amazing time with my co-workers at the time then go back home or sometimes to the gym then home. One day, one of my friends at work threw a warning at me when I told him I got into kundalini yoga: fun breaker. Even though I highly loved him as a friend and respected his spiritual knowledge, I didn’t take him seriously. I said that I didn’t believe it was dangerous, it was almost like I thought of it as a superstition. I thought I was all protected and stuff. As soon warned, as soon forgotten. But he knew what he was talking about. He travelled around India and married an Indian woman (who looks Asian and is a Christian but even though grew up with various Hindus and Buddhists). But I overlooked those details.
Maybe I should give you a bit of background. Even though I didn’t believe in it as dangerous, I was a very spiritual person and fairly knowledgeable, just like one of my two friends above, lets call him Antoine (Antonne) for the cause. I had spent the last 5 years learning about religions and new age beliefs and getting spiritually involved (and I mean it). Antone was the only person I had met so far with as much knowledge as I had. He just knew about everything I would tell him about, from the hollow earth to the Blavatsky’s theosophy, passing through kabbalah, etc, etc. Named it and he knew it. That didn’t prevent me from dismissing his warning and even get entrapped by my all knowing about God.
When you guys had spent most of your twenties pursing goals such as money, fame, outward appearances, sexual pleasures to name few, behind closed doors, I was only interested in finding the Truth. I would read as much books about the subject I could, sometimes 5 per week or even 5 at the time. I would stay up late, very late or not sleep at all, sometimes for few days. I took the matter very seriously and I said behind close doors because only the people close to me would know about this frenetic search. I also happened to be spiritually inclined. I was very intuitive, I had premonitions mostly by dreams. I would see forth coming events. I would have uncontrolled astral travels and less pleasant, paralysis dreams. I would hear and encounter dead people in that state. I think once or twice I heard something awakened, but mostly saw occasionally blue shadows as waking up and it really freaked me out. I could also read tarot cards and such. Do natal charts in Astrology (even going as far as past life and corrected astrology). I loved the angels, spiritual guides and reading “channelling” sources. Of course, I did yoga, I also practised meditation, chanted mantras. I happened to feel or see through people so clearly sometimes I could hear some thoughts. I was immersed in psychometry as well too to name few things. Some called me the witch and that I should make a leaving out of it but, to be honest, it always made me uncomfortable like I would not take advantage of a “gift” from God (doesn’t matter what other psychics think, it is wrong and notice the quotation marks too). Maybe it was my Catholic upbringing and hearing warnings from my mom about this stuff. Even though, I didn’t believe in Jesus in the way I do now. I had what I could call, coming to knowledge, a customized Jesus, distorted in some part and other ones missing or added as foreign limbs. Home made Jesus. I thought that we were all gods or on our way to become one (lie #1) and we just needed to uncover our divine self. I believed in reincarnation (and that it was scriptural on top of that) and that all the spiritual practises forbidden in the Bible were all blessed by God (we’re talking about abominations here no less). I believe in a all loving, none judgemental God, everybody gets a ticket to heaven, that the Bible and hell were man made. Hope this put you into context, because this is really relevant to what is going to be revealed, now back to our main story.
To be continued……
(PS – First, thank you for taking the time to read a part of my life. I posted it unfinished because I wanna force myself to write this down. I’ve been delaying this sharing for a while now. Some of the upcoming stuff I don’t even know how I can put it into words or relive it through the writing process it takes for it has be more than painful and if it helps out even one person then the effort will have been worthed. It is take 2 because the first attempt has been strangely wiped out by a virus on my computer..
The Naked Yoga, part II
I was a bit deluded after my hopes of getting married to one of my first love have gone up in smoke. So there you go, life goes on. Of course, without thinking too much, and in need of a rebound, I got really attached to the part of our trio named lets say Jeremiah (three musketeers we used to call ourselves: Antoine, Karro and Jeremiah). Well, he wouldn’t do any yoga, he said he would fall asleep if he did so. He was doing one hour gym machine at his friend’s house everyday and so he had that perfect muscular body, no need to say, a la Heath Ledger fashion (the face too).We were a really tight trio (at least that is what I believed). Working 8 hours, 5 days a week together. We would read each other minds (Jeremiah and I), have the same dreams, crazy stuff like that. We both have the same natal chart (astrology thingy) where our male-female planets (mars and venus) where interconnected, we were both double Sagittarius (now before you get all excited, I don’t do the astro thingy anymore for it is forbidden). We had a powerful connection and sexual tension was up the roof. There was only one thing between us and it was his gf. But unsaved Karro didn’t see it as a problem. Even though we had not committed physical adultery, we had in our hearts did so for he became what we can call my work spouse. I was still in my feel good state from my continuing kundalini yoga sessions so no worries. So let it be and we will see what life brings next. Actually, he sticked around for a long time and started to take care of me and give me all the attention I needed. I won’t go into more details but this was the package deal, all the unprotected poor vulnerable girls like me (and you maybe) would have fallen for. (Well, all your friends would kind of tell you to drop it but they happened to have similar skeletons in their closets too). Drop it? He is so perfect! What are you saying? He cares about me, shows it everyday and told everybody at work he didn’t care about his gf. She is a control freak I think. You know that sort of lie when you know deep down it ain’t gonna work. The dude is 9 years younger than you are (but looks 5 years older than you according to your co-workers). He can’t be serious, too young. But he is so deep and mature for his age and you guys have a killer connection!
Of course, reality hits you in the face. The fatal BBQ happened. Saturday night after work three of the co-workers and I, (Antoine is long gone on a parental leave, his wife gave birth). Life is against me, Jeremiah will meet us later, he has to pick up his mom and got stucked in traffic. It happened that one of the two other co-workers (twice Jeremiah age, do the maths) is in love with me and later that night will tell lies to Jeremiah about me, making him freak out (for the first time of his life..) and the other co-worker with us happened to be a Wiccan and has done magic in the apartment. Betrayed and in a very weak state of mind, I sit on the balcony (because I could not stay in the apart, I felt the heavy energy there) in total bad trip state of mind, feeling like everything just turned black. One of my best friends who came along with me to the party knew something weird happened to me; like I was kinda weird and not myself. I got strangely snappy at her and things like that.
Hope you’re still with me. You know it’s very hard for me to make sense even now out of what happened from that. Some parts are blurry in my mind and some events I’m not certain what happened before what so I’ll do my best to be as clear and coherent I can.
So I got back home that night, destroyed. I needed to talk to someone so I called my mom and it’s then I started crying none stop (believe me, from that moment on, I cried a river for this guy). Even though I cried a few times before: the time that I discovered he had lied to me that he was meeting up with his uncle to jam, when I met up his gf awaiting outside for him to finish working (I was awaiting too actually outside for him since I finished a bit earlier (quiet day at work) and wanted to tell him something. His gf also awaited something like 25 minutes for him which I found strange at the moment that he was taking so long, a guy who was usually ready on time to leave work…not nice). No need to say that I flew out of there just before he got downstairs when I realised that the girl awaiting next to me was talking to him on her cellphone). I got jello legs as I ran back home and flipped out. Where Chastity and Mickey gently reminded me I should not be in love with an already taken guy and that I tend to repeat the same pattern over and over. But what can we do, when our heart loves? How can we be wrong when it comes to love and our feelings? Oh crap, this is it. I was in love with him and I had no way to tell him about it. That is also that night I discovered he fashioned girls like me for his gf had the same height and frame and looked actually older than me. She had ginger hair at the time but he liked to remind us that he dug dark-haired women. What a bad boy. The funny part is that Jeremiah is color blind and could not see different shades of red and made me laugh when he told me the story of his gf getting mad at him for not noticing her new hair colour.. haha Okay, I also cried I think when I felt faint and went to my bed praying to wake up 30 minutes later because I felt something bad had happened to Jeremiah. Actually, it did. The next morning, he did not show up at work (not in his habits to not call). After an hour, I had a panic attack and left work and cried for a hour calling my best friends in distress, repeating that something had happened to Jeremiah. The next day, I heard one of my co-worker scream: “Jeremiah, what happened to you!?!?!”. I didn’t even dare looking up, but I could see from the corner of my eye he was limping. Ouch. He sat and said hi, casually. I respounded “hi, how are you doing?” And he answered, “I’m fine. But, You, how are you doing?” with all concerns. I stared at him wanting to yell: “what the heck happened to you face?!” Epic moment. Stay tuned for the book.
Back to where I left. After crying to my mom for a hour or so I went to bed. Had a really bad sleep and saw hideous things. I woke up feeling weird. I went to the kitchen and started to feel these shivers (my body right now feels funny recalling the occurrence), I knew something was wrong. (there again shivers in the present time here). I willed to say my Our Father, but couldn’t remember any of the words. I tried and tried. I recalled at this moment something I had heard or read somewhere that as long as you are able to pray there is no need to worry. I could not pray anymore =now you are justified: PANIC. I called my parents, it’s Sunday morning I know they are going to church I tell my mom what is happening asking her to pray for me during mass. Right after I called my friend who accompanied me the night before and tell her what is going on, she said she will pray and tried to get some answers. She hung up to call me back half an hour after saying that she felt strongly that I needed an exorcist. Ouf (Me? You will see). She could tell something got inside me yesterday and she felt it now more than ever. Okay, don’t panic. Go sit on the couch and wait. I get cold feet up to my knees, the problem is that it’s mid-summer, it’s not supposed to be that way during the hot season. I would say after a moment of not doing anything, sitting there, I felt an energy warming up my body from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and I felt better instantly. (I know now it was the prayers answered and the Spirit of God coming to give me some rest).
Are you still there? Because this is not yet the most supernatural part of it. What you have read so far are peanuts. I guess you will have to wait another day (or two) for it because I need to process the memory further. Don’t worry, you will soon get to see the connection with yoga and kundalini awakening.
To be continued again….
The Naked Yoga, part III
Pfewww…I’m back to normal, I can do my prayers again! I stand up, stretch a bit. There you go, all of these emotions made me hungry. Let’s go eat with a friend in a restaurant, Sundays mean brunch. Thank God it was that easy and I didn’t need any exorcist. (at least, this is what I believed). And now I had enough energy to hate on Luke (the co-worker who lied to Jeremiah). Okay, let’s get back a bit on how Jeremiah meant to me. The presence of Jeremiah was really therapeutic to me in my life. It’s like for the first time of my life I felt someone was there and understood me. For the first time of my life, I did not feel alone anymore. I even stopped to have anxiety attacks when I started hanging out with him. Before, I had anxiety attacks at work (or anywhere else for the record), I would leave work then come back a hour after. Since we were allowed our breaks whenever we wanted, my supervisor never noticed. I was also agoraphobic. Crowds gave me anxiety attacks and this place was crowded. In resume, Luke had just messed up with a relationship which meant a lot to me (more than I wanted to admit). He had just taken my happiness pill away from me. Anyway, I didn’t like this guy first thing and I even warned Jeremiah to stay away from him but this guy insisted to be our friend so badly. He ran after Jeremiah every time he was going on break for a smoke and also started to play guitar with him. One of the classic lie he told him was that I was expecting him to leave his gf for me. Luke got upset when he discovered there was something between Jeremiah and I. How can we blame him? A lot of us do the same in order to get what we want. We just don’t know the havoc we do in others’ people life when we refuse to suck it up and let our ego take over. I will get what I want! Me, me, me! Well of course that night, Jeremiah decided to stay home, bad tripping on his side too. For sure, Luke was in a hurry to let me know how much Jeremiah loved her.
This is how the enemy is working. How could this be after all that happened between us? (nothing but illusions). How could this be? I even had two different psychics telling me to go for it! See how stupid it sounds right now. But plenty of people, especially very intelligent women fall for psychics predictions. One of the psychics has gone as far as saying that if I let him pass I will regret it for the rest of my life when I objected his prediction saying that I loved Jeremiah but he was too young for me. I still know people who praise that psychic saying he is a so evolved and so pure like no one else. But I have news for you, in the old testament, if a prophet made even one tiny small prediction, he was OUT (and stoned to death). But he excuses his false predictions on the idea that future changes. I got news for you who think that way. Only God knows the future and His prophets never made one slight false prediction. Anyway, we will get back on why it is this way later on.
The morning after, it’s Monday, I feel better but really nervous and floored but still enough in shape to show up at work. Guess who is not there? That’s all right, things will work out, if he really is my friend and cares about me, he will know Luke was lying. Maybe he was not lying that much, maybe it really looked this way. But why Jeremiah over reacted? There must be something else. I could tell that Saturday night, when Luke reported the conversation he didn’t tell me everything. Tuesday, Jeremiah shows up, we don’t talk to each other all day, they energy in the place is tangible. Awkward. Wednesday, I don’t know what to expect, I’m so stiff that when I came in Jeremiah is already sitting at his desk and makes the biggest smile to me. I’m so on shock that I cannot even respond back to him, I sit and ignore him all day. Back home 7 pm I feel bad for ignoring him so I text him to apologize. That is when I got to know that he freaked out for the first time of his life last Saturday and it means a lot coming from him because I recalled a msn conversion with him saying that nobody ever freak him out, Ever. We text each other a bit more. We are kind of cool, leaving it there. I’m leaving for a shotgun vacations next week and he doesn’t know that. So the next day at work we talk again but it’s not the same. It is still awkward. I am not feeling well. One week before the BBQ incident, I started to have kidneys pain in my low back and weird stuff are happening around. My cellphone breaking (got a replacement one), the toilet water turning green, clothes ripping off, two friends having dream of me dying, etc, etc.. I’m afraid I will have to call Mickey and request his services which I refused to do for a while.
One thing I haven’t mention yet is that I got deeply involved with healing. I used to see a healer and Mickey was his apprentice. I witnessed many paranormal occurrences over there, miraculous healing, exorcist.. I too was supposed to become his apprentice but I aborted the project after he strangely put his hand in my panties during a healing session. Of course, the ovary kyss and the horrible periods pain disappeared but that made me feel so uncomfortable I never wanted to go back. I was also a bit upset at Mickey for telling me the truth a few months earlier. How dared he to tell me that I should not be in love with Jeremiah? So I walked on my pride and called him up for help. He comes over and that is when it became less fun. Mickey had to stay over for 3 days as he could not deal with the evil spirit. He started to attempt exorcising the evil spirit that was still in my body but could not get him out. That is when I started to see strange things happening (haven’t I already, but this time on me!). Those 3 days are blurry in my mind, I was really on shock as I saw paranormal manifestations occurring on my body. Well I experienced weird stuff in my life but not on me! I had red rashes appearing on my body, I saw black spot moving on it, swollen members, my feet became so huge and gray. When he threw bless water or touched me with any bless object, it burned. I also had a burning appearing on my body after he blew a prayer on me. More happened but I can’t recall it for now. I recall the spirit snake though, that was hanging around my heart. This is the one that Mickey couldn’t get away with. A ferocious one. It’s like I felt I would die if he removed it. After 3 days, I was really exhausted so I went to my bed and felt asleep, I couldn’t battle anymore. Concerned, Mickey called the Healer which I refused him to do and the Healer call us over in an emergency, Mickey put me in the taxi and paid the full 25$ ride (thank you Mickey). I was so defenseless, I couldn’t object. I knew also that what was going on was no joke and I was in danger for my life.
For people who have some sort of knowledge about kundalini can already sense the connection with the serpent. As we will go through, it becomes harder and harder for me to share my story. Right now I have anxiety and I want to bail out. It’s also very hard to put you in context when you have not been involved and make you feel the gravity of what I experienced when most of it was attacks from the unseen. I don’t want to make it sound like a horror movie but basically I felt like I was in one, the problem is that I am no actress. At that moment, I was still clueless of why it all happened to me. I know I was not perfect but being possessed by an evil spirit? What did I do to God? Why He refused to hear my prayers (at least for a short time He did) or lent me over to evil forces like this? What did I do? Why me?
To be continued, over again…..